Awful Beautiful Life

I love this crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful beautiful life…

Daddy’s Boy August 19, 2008

Filed under: Parenting — Sara @ 11:31 am

Six months ago, Terry and I thought we were really lucky that Nate didn’t whine when other people held him or when we dropped him off at the church daycare on Sundays. Most 10 month olds seemed to have separation anxiety and we weren’t having to deal with that. Nate was pretty much happy in anyone’s arms. Score!

with Daddy at the beach.

with Daddy at the beach.

When Nate was 13 months old, we went to the beach with my family. He spent a lot of time with Daddy because the pool was cold and the ocean had mountains of seaweed (gross), and quite frankly, I needed a little vacation from my job, too. Nate started saying “Daddy” instead of “Dada” shortly thereafter, which was adorable. He was thrilled when Terry got home from work and loved playing with him. I thought it was great. I got a break and Nate was happy. Everybody wins, except for maybe Terry, but he doesn’t really count.

A month or so later, I noticed Nate wasn’t saying “Mama” anymore and he called EVERYTHING “Daddy”. We go eat lunch with Terry about once a week, so now every time we stop to run an errand, Nate thinks we’re going to eat lunch with Daddy and says his name about 10 times. I ate lunch with some friends last week and Nate gave one of them the death stare most of the ride there, probably because she wasn’t his Daddy.

doesn't he look happy?

doesn't he look happy?!

Anytime Terry is holding Nate and I try to take him, he cries. Anytime I pick Nate up because he’s crying, he reaches for Terry. Every morning when Terry leaves for work, I have to distract Nate in a different room or deal with a screaming baby for 10 minutes or so because he gets so upset that Daddy would abandon him with this horrible woman. Every time the garage door opens, Nate runs over to the door, incessantly says “Daddy” and waits for it to open (or sometimes starts crying if I don’t open it for him). When Nate wakes up from his nap, I hear a little voice over the monitor saying, “Daddy!” Basically, Nate hates me and loves Terry.

Don’t get me wrong, I love that Nate loves his Daddy, especially early in the morning. 🙂 But, every picture I try to take with Nate, he’s crying and squirming to get back in Terry’s arms. Nate’s going to wonder where I was all of his childhood since I’m usually the one taking pictures and he isn’t happy being held by me when I do try to sneak in one. So everyday, I say “Mama” and “Mommy” about a thousand times hoping he’ll eventually catch on. But, I’m usually still called “Daddy” (more like “where is he?!?” and less as a term of endearment) whether I’m changing his diaper, reading him books, or feeding him lunch.

If you see me and I’m around Nate, you need to call me Mommy, not Sara, sugar lips, or hot stuff, or I won’t talk to you anymore. The other morning, the three of us were hanging out on our king bed like we often do, and Nate actually said “Mama”! Then I squealed, tackled him with a hug and probably scared him out of ever saying it again.


I Tend To Overreact

Filed under: Miscellaneous — Sara @ 10:59 am

Last night, Terry and I were woken up at 5am by the smoke detector going off for a few seconds.  I immediately knew what was going on, my heart was pounding a little, but I was ready to go back to sleep as soon as it stopped.  But Terry freaked out a little, sat up, holding his pillow like he would use it as a weapon.  After calming him down, I started worrying about why it went off…

Terry checked the house to make sure everything looked okay, laid back down, and was trying to go back to sleep.  But, I kept him up for about 20 minutes going over the possibilities of why the smoke detector would go off in the middle of the night for a few seconds.  Was there a fire in the attic?  Did the fire hide when Terry went to check and would it come back as soon as we went back to sleep?  Was Nate alive?  I could tell he was drifting off after listening to a few of my ridiculous explanations so I started asking questions he had to answer.  The conversation went something like:

“What do we do if there’s a fire outside our bedroom door?”

Terry: “We break a window go in the backyard.”

“With a 10 foot drop? I am pregnant you know.  And how would we get Nate?”

Terry: “We’d open the garage.”

“What if the electricity was off and it wouldn’t open?”

Terry: “We break another window.”

“How exactly are you planning to break all of these windows?”

Terry: “I have a maglite in my nightstand.”

“Ok.  What if there’s a fire in the laundry room?” (it would block the hallway to Nate’s room)

Terry: “Go to sleep, Sara.”

“What if we die, Terry? There could be a gas leak!”

Terry: “I’m pretty sure there is. But, it’s small so don’t worry about it.” (what?!?!)

“You need to believe in Jesus before we die.”

Terry: Chuckles and says, “I’ll be fine.”

“But I won’t!”

Terry fell asleep 5 seconds later like he always does, but I laid awake for another 30 minutes mulling over all of the bad things that could happen.  I imagined that when Terry went to check on the house, there was a Klan member standing in our front yard and he threw a bottle that was on fire into the playroom window.  I came out and went outside to try to explain to him that we were all white.  He didn’t care.

Then, my mind drifted away from fires and onto robbers.  Terry tends to leave the garage door open when he comes home, and the door from the garage to the house is always unlocked (please don’t rob us).  I thought up a grand lecture to give him this morning about how that’s not safe and we’re going to get killed, but it turned into, “You have to start shutting the garage when you get home.”  Then I thought about if someone did come in and kill us, it might be days before someone came to check on where we were, and if they left Nate alive, and he were strapped in his high chair, he would be so sad and scared.

Needless to say, I tend to freak myself out over nothing, like the smoke detector going off in the middle of the night.  I blame the scary movies my sister made me watch when I was a little kid.  Otherwise, it might mean I’m a little crazy…


Did you know?!? August 14, 2008

Filed under: Miscellaneous — Sara @ 6:17 pm

Here are some random facts about me (good idea @vanweezy).  Maybe you won’t like me anymore after reading them, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take…

  1. I’m terrified of heights.  (my palms are sweating just from typing that)
  2. But, I love the thrill of a roller coaster.
  3. And, I went parasailing on our honeymoon. But, I didn’t look down.
  4. I met my husband in 9th grade, and we’ve been together since 11th.
  5. I love cats, and I miss my Pais-face everyday.
  6. I had knee surgery after a skiing trip with Terry in 11th grade.
  7. My high school volleyball career was over after that.  At the time, I thought that ruined my senior year.
  8. I love Dr. Pepper.
  9. I love my car, a VW Jetta.
  10. I graduated with my MBA at 21.
  11. My favorite color is red.  Wreck ‘Em.
  12. I’ve been pregnant for almost half of my marriage.
  13. I’m pretty sure I’m the long lost, 4th Dixie Chick.
  14. I change the station if I don’t know/can’t sing to the song playing on the radio.
  15. I get mad at my husband if he changes the station while I’m singing.
  16. I would live in Lubbock if my sister moved there, too.
  17. My favorite number is 5.
  18. I still own pogs (and slammers!).
  19. I cry at sappy commercials.
  20. I was the highest ranking graduate of my college graduating class. All I got was a lousy plaque!
  21. My parents got divorced when I was 4.  I think it turned out better that way.
  22. I have a right hand ring made of rubies from the first necklace my husband gave me and the diamond from my step-mom’s college graduation ring.
  23. I don’t think I should leave the house without mascara on.
  24. I never wear any earrings besides the diamond studs I got on our first wedding anniversary.
  25. I’m a notary public.
  26. It bothers me if my toes aren’t painted.
  27. My sister is my best friend (besides my husband).
  28. I love taking pictures, especially of my family.
  29. I love cooking a great meal.
  30. I think I’m a good dancer.  I’m probably not.
  31. I think I’m a good singer.  Rock Band agrees, but I don’t think the rest of the world does…
  32. I have an adorable son.
  33. I’m an Aunt to 1 niece and 2 nephews.
  34. I love the china that Terry’s grandma passed down to us.
  35. All of my grandparents have passed away.
  36. I hate talking on the phone.
  37. I like cottage cheese.  With potato chips.
  38. I’m not sure what my natural hair color would be today.  I might be getting close now…
  39. Beer and wine are gross.
  40. Girly drinks are awesome.  Especially Smirnoff Ice Raspberry Twist and Cherry Vodka Sours.
  41. I like Indian and Thai food.  A lot.
  42. I never thought I would want to be a stay-at-home-mom.
  43. I love being a stay-at-home-mom.
  44. I’m 24 weeks pregnant, tomorrow.
  45. I hope my kids are friends, at least in the beginning and the end.
  46. I used to be obsessed with stars and frogs.
  47. My husband and I scored the same on our SATs.
  48. I live in capri pants and flip flops.
  49. I don’t like cold weather.
  50. I’m an incredibly slow runner.
  51. I only wear 4 pair of shoes regularly.
  52. I loved wearing dresses when I was a little girl.
  53. I hate coffee.  Even the smell.
  54. I chew ice.
  55. I don’t work out, although I probably should.
  56. I use a Mac.
  57. I check my email every 5 seconds.
  58. I upload new photos as soon as I can.  It’s an obsession.
  59. My husband was my first kiss.
  60. I applied to Tech as a math major.
  61. I think Freebirds is WAY better than Chipotle.
  62. I don’t like eating meat off of the bone.
  63. I think it’s funny how color-blind my husband is.
  64. I stalk Facebook on a daily basis.
  65. I don’t like dogs.
  66. I want to travel to Europe for at least a month.
  67. I’ve never been to the U.S. west coast.
  68. I want to be a nurse some day.
  69. I got a concussion from being hit by a volleyball.
  70. I went to an Episcopal church camp growing up and I loved it.
  71. I look just like my Dad.
  72. I’ve only had one speeding ticket. It was 2 weeks after getting my license. (probably just jinxed myself there)
  73. I still wear a retainer at night.
  74. I can throw a football better than my husband.
  75. I want to retire to a house on the lake.
  76. I check my bank account and credit card online almost everyday.
  77. My husband grills better than you.
  78. My mom makes the best homemade macaroni and cheese.
  79. I have a upside-down heart-shaped butt when I wear spandex.
  80. I will never wear spandex again in my life.
  81. I don’t shave everyday.  I won’t until my husbands starts.
  82. I’m a very slow texter.
  83. I am saved.
  84. I hope my husband will be some day.
  85. I think old men are incredibly cute.
  86. I have a crush on Horatio Cane.
  87. I use Dove products whenever possible.
  88. I like malted milk more than chocolate milk.
  89. I’m a big fan of bread and butter.  Especially when it’s free.
  90. I don’t like to go camping.
  91. I’ve been to the top of the Great Divide.
  92. I really like the book “The Giving Tree“.
  93. My initials didn’t change when I got married.
  94. I’m scared of the dark.  I blame my sister who made me watch scary movies when I was young.
  95. Everything has a place and you better put it back in that place when you’re done with it or my head might explode.
  96. I have migraines at least twice a month, more since I got pregnant this time.
  97. I’m ticklish.
  98. I’m terrified of Terry dying and being alone.
  99. My feet are my favorite body part.
  100. My husband is perfect for me.

My other lover August 11, 2008

Filed under: Miscellaneous,Pregnancy — Sara @ 8:32 pm

This probably isn’t the most appropriate place to reveal this, but here goes. For years, I’ve been in love with two men. I’ve decided it just isn’t right anymore.  I have to end it and move on with my life with Terry. This is really difficult for me considering the other lover is a doctor and is so sweet to me. But, he really complicates my life and just plain isn’t good for me.

You’re probably in shock right now.  Pick your jaw up off of the floor.  Stop dialing Terry’s phone number so you can keep him from reading this or try to break the news to him gently.  I’m in love with Dr. Pepper.  I know, it’s pretty anti-climactic, but it’s true!

I can remember when this affair got hot and heavy.  I was in 5th grade and I came downstairs for breakfast.  I poured myself a cup of DP and sat down.  My mom gave me a funny look and made some snide comment about how it wasn’t good for me, but she didn’t stop me.  Thanks, Mom.  You could have saved me years of pain!

Thirteen years later, I can honestly say that there have been days, probably even weeks, when all I’ve had to drink was Dr. Pepper.  Even in the middle of a volleyball tournament, we’d grab some lunch and I’d always have a Dr. Pepper.  Who needs water anyways?  Isn’t there water in Dr. Pepper?  I’ve even made friends through our mutual love for this wonderful beverage.  I recently got mad at a bartender at a wedding when he told me they only had coke because he had given all of the Dr. Pepper to the wedding next door.  I seriously considered crashing that wedding just to get the good stuff.

I only tried to give up Dr. Pepper one other time in my life.  It was the middle of high school and I had this crazy idea during the summer that I was going to be healthy.  I would eat right, work out all the time, and lose weight.  I’d been told an easy way to lose 5 pounds is to stop drinking sodas.  I figured if that’s what happened to people with a normal soda intake, I should lose at least 10.  So I made it about 6 weeks until I hurt some tendon in my hip and couldn’t play soccer or work out anymore.  I figured if I couldn’t follow through every party of my plan to be healthy, it was better to just give up altogether.  I went back to my 3-4 sodas a day ways.

In college, I started getting migraines.  I tried a lot of the prevention techniques suggested, but I just couldn’t fathom giving up caffeine when you’re staying up late studying and waking up for 8 o’clocks the next day.  I would rather take pills.  So I did.  And I still didn’t drink much water.

you complete me.

you complete me.

Then, I got pregnant with Nate.  The doctors mostly say “no caffiene!”.  I wasn’t thrilled with that so I googled it since everything you read on the internets is reliable and trustworthy.  I found several studies that showed having up to X amount of caffiene per day didn’t have an effect on the fetus.  Turns out that amount of caffeine translates into like 4 Dr. Peppers a day!  Of course, you’re also supposed to drink a lot of water when you’re pregnant, and if I drank that much Dr. Pepper AND water I’d be peeing every 5 minutes instead of 10.  So I decided to try to limit myself to one a day and try my darndest to drink water (bleh) the rest of the day.  It worked out pretty well, but I was back to my old habits once that baby popped out and was off the boob.

So that leads us up to today.  If you read my last post, you know how awesome this pregnancy has been.  I decided to try the one-a-day policy again.  It’s worked out pretty well and I’ve actually become addicted to water which I never thought was possible.  I’m guessing it’s because it’s so stinking hot this time around.

I’m still getting migraines and, in the past few weeks, have developed what I’m sure is RLS (yes, Jim Carrey, it is real).  Pretty much, I get into bed and am exhausted, but can’t fall asleep because my legs feel like they want to run a marathon (which will never be physically possible for me, probably because I drank too much Dr. Pepper as a child).  I’ve been reading about it and it turns out caffeine can trigger it.  I decided if not drinking Dr. Pepper means no more near head explosions AND I can actually fall asleep at a reasonable time, maybe it’s worth it.

So, I’m on day 2 sans caffeine and my head hurts like a bitch…

UPDATE:  I only lasted 4 days.  I wasn’t sleeping any better, my head was still hurting, and I was exhausted.  Going back to the no caffeine after lunch-ish time to see if that helps.  I just can’t resist the 23 flavors!!


I’m pregnant…again. August 9, 2008

Filed under: Pregnancy — Sara @ 9:20 pm
23 weeks prego.

23 weeks prego.

So most of you already know this, but in case you didn’t, I’m having another baby in December.  Surprise, Terry!  😉 I was somehow under the impression that pregnancy would be the same every time.  I was wrong.

At Nate’s baby shower, I remember bragging to my table of friends that the best part of pregnancy was bigger boobs and longer nails.  Your hair looks pretty good and migraines miraculously stop, too.  One of them said, “What about the baby?”  I responded that that came after pregnancy so it didn’t count.  I didn’t really have any weird cravings or illnesses, no scares of miscarriage.  There really was no worst part of my first pregnancy.  Sure I was tired the first trimester, but nothing like after I had Nate.  And near the end, my back started to hurt, but that’s expected when you’re carrying around an extra 30 pounds.

The only complaints I really had were that Terry wasn’t around because he was working in Boston during most of the pregnancy and the child that resulted from it was mildly demon-ish (yes it’s a word) for the first 2 months.  We were pretty much convinced that we weren’t having any more children after what Nate put us through.  But somehow the lack of sleep and cuteness that accumulated over the next 6 months changed our minds.  Lucky for baby #2!

So this time around, I felt nauseous from the day I peed on the stick until 14 weeks in.  I’m still waiting for my boobs to get crazy big and my nails to not break the second I try to use them for anything.  Plus, I’m chasing around a 14 month old, so that glorious second trimester where you feel wonderful, well-rested, and look “glowing” is totally not happening.

I still get migraines, usually at least once a week, and I can’t take the miracle drug invented to treat them or my baby might be born without some of her limbs (I call it a her but we have no clue what we’re having).  I’ve considered taking the risk when my head is about to explode, but ultimately decided the pain is temporary and missing limbs are permanent so the baby wins.  The drugs they do give me for them (somehow narcotics are safe?!?) make me shakey and restless so I can’t take them anywhere near bed time.  Or when I have Nate by myself.  So I’m pretty much screwed.

I’ve also got a little germ-infested Natertot on my hip most of the day, so I’ve had to deal with more than my fair share of illness over the past 6 months.  It turns out, at least in my case, that it takes your body twice as long to recover when you’re pregnant.  First, there was a stomach virus that passed around the entire family. Most were affected for 2-3 days, but I spent an entire week in bed or by the toilet.  Thank god for Grandmas.

The weekend after the plague ended for me, I spent both Saturday and Sunday at the doctor.  Saturday I woke up with vertigo (of course I had no idea that’s what it was and was convinced I was miscarrying).  Took some drugs and spent a lot of time in bed and the room-is-spinning feeling was gone after a few days.  Sunday, I woke up with terrible pain on the left side of my uterus area and was again convinced I was having a miscarriage.  So we took a trip to the ER, had a sonogram, waited to see the doctor for a few hours, all at the low price of $2000 (yay high deductibles!), and everything turned out fine.

Nate was kind enough to share another stomach virus with me last week.  His lasted a week.  It’s been 8 days and I’m still waiting to not feel like I ate razor blades.  I know everyone gets sick now and then, but this is getting ridiculous.  Seriously, it’s hard enough being pregnant, I don’t need any more unrelated ails.  kthx.

I’ve had some cravings this time, like salsa, popcorn, and chocolate, all of which I don’t normally like.  I’ve also wanted pickles and even alcohol.  Luckily, Terry is around this time, so I can send him out at 10pm to satisfy my random needs (except for alcohol, I don’t know why he won’t buy it for me…).  It’s also been fun telling everyone how different this pregnancy was from Nate’s, because everyone is convinced it’s a girl.  Sadly, that’s an unreliable litmus test given the pregnancy stories I’ve solicited recently.  So we really won’t know what flavor of baby I’ve been growing until it joins us in December.  We do already have a pink room, though, so I’m crossing my fingers!  I can only hope a terrible pregnancy produces a sweeter baby…


So, I’ve been convinced…

Filed under: Miscellaneous — Sara @ 7:49 pm

After Terry begged me for several days, I decided to set up a blog.  I’ve been told that I will have readers, so we’ll see how this works out.  I don’t think it’ll be that interesting since the only stories I have to post are about my kid, husband, or current soap box, but hopefully you’ll come back anyways!